I’ve added the five movies that Bi Gan picked in his Criterion Closet appearance.
Youth of the Beast
Tampopo
The Complete Jacques Tati
Master of the House
8 1/2
Bi Gan made one original pick: Youth of the Beast. This is why my Master List of Closet Picks in the Criterion Closet is so valuable.
In Spanish. 45 minute running time so wonderfully short. I don’t know anything about Luis Buñuel, but he was clearly a funny guy, a real smartass … this movie is irreverent, maybe even sacrilegious, but it’s also hilarious. Bad boy Buñuel, what a prankster, I enjoyed this …
I watched this because only one guest of the Criterion Closet (Asif Kapadia) picked it … Kapadia also recommended Investigation of a Citizen Beyond Suspicion, which was also good.
Rating: 4, you should see it, esp. with a 45 minute running time.
The devil roams this wilderness. I hear him in the night.
107 minute running time so about seven minutes too long, but I quit watching this after ten minutes. I may have lasted longer if the disc had subtitles, but it didn’t, so I gave up pretty fast. This was about some black kids in Chicago circa 1964 … they’re sort of delinquents, cutting school and stealing and screwing girls. It’s a black culture movie, and I had zero interest in it.
I watched it because only one guest of the Criterion Closet (Luis Guzman) picked this movie. I’m surprised that Criterion re-issued this since it looked pretty terrible, but it might appeal to black people of a certain age?
Rating: 2. This is a good example of a 2 rated movie… it means I didn’t finish it. Rating 1 means I actually sat through it and regret doing so.
You ain’t gots no chance with that high yellow bitch!
112 minute running time … so about 12 minutes too long. British public schoolboy revenge fantasy from the late 1960s … Malcolm McDowell plays Malcolm McDowell (he had the same role in A Clockwork Orange more or less) … rotten rich kids who hated the hypocrisy, the capricious authority, I guess... all about rebellion.
There’s a strong homosexual vein running through the whole movie as well. It’s an interesting movie, the flip flopping between color and black and white doesn’t delineate fantasy and reality, it’s not that simple. And the British Empire was pretty dead by 1969, I think.
I watched this because only one visitor to the Criterion Closet (Andrew Haigh) in the whole history of hundreds of visitors selected it.
Rating is 3.5 … I watched it start to finish, enjoyed a lot of it, though it’s a little too long.
Brunning! This is Jute. You're Jute's bumf tutor. Take him to the sweat room.
I’ve added the nine movies that David Remnick picked in his Criterion Closet appearance.
A Man Escaped
Burden of Dreams
By Brakhage: An Anthology, Volumes One and Two
Citizen Kane
King Lear
Shoot the Piano Player
The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun
The Wes Anderson Archive
Thelonius Monk Straight, No Chaser
David Remnick made two original picks: The French Dispatch of the Liberty, Kansas Evening Sun and Shoot the Piano Player. This is why my Master List of Closet Picks in the Criterion Closet is so valuable.
In Nigerian English. 116 minute running time so at least 16 minutes too long. If you’re interested in seeing what life in Nigeria is like, you can watch this movie, but be warned: it’s grim. It’s crowded and dirty and chaotic and people rip each other off at every turn and family relationships are all screwed up and people do the most desperate things to try to get the hell out of there, and who can blame them?
The movie kicks off with a horrific tragedy, so it can’t really go downhill from there. Two separate stories about two decent people, one man, one woman (and her little sister who is pregnant) that sort of intersect, but not really. It’s not a badly made movie, but it’s not fun to watch. You’ll count your lucky stars that you weren’t born in Nigeria. I have zero interest in visiting Africa, except for maybe going on a posh safari.
I watched this movie because it was another Criterion title that had only been picked once (by Ayo Edebiri) in the whole history of closet picks.
Rating: 3 or even 2.5 given that it’s a little too long. It’s not terrible, but you really have to be interested in watching what life is like in Lagos (spoiler: it’s awful) to enjoy it. “A vivid snapshot of life in contemporary Lagos, whose social fabric is captured in all its vibrancy and complexity,” says Criterion.
Are you going to fix everything here?
In Italian. 115 minute running time so around 15 minutes too long, but this was not bad… a political movie, commentary on the state of the nation of Italy, circa 1970. I saw this because only one person (Asif Kapadia) who visited the Criterion Closet chose it, and when I went back to see what he said, I realized it was a random pick he made since he liked the title (it is a very good title). Given my new rating system, this is a 4 (you should see it) or possibly a 3.5 given the overly long running time.
It’s a good idea anyway and pretty well executed.
You're a citizen of a democracy, not a horse.
I used to have a red (stop), yellow (consider), green (go) rating system for movies, but there’s not enough nuance there, so I’ve switched to a five star system. I’m also going to employ a half-star between three and four, and three and two.
Five is a must-see. Life changing or makes you change the way you think. There are not many movies that get this rating.
Four is a should-see. I enjoyed it, but it doesn’t deserve the highest rating.
Three means I finished it, didn’t hate it. But it’s not a should-see. It’s not terrible, parts of it could even be good. Oftentimes decent movies that are too long get this rating.
Two means it’s bad. Avoid.
One means it’s terrible. I regret seeing it.
By the end of 2026 I should have a public, sortable spreadsheet for all the movies I’ve seen with their respective rating.
I’ve added the six movies that Yorgos Lanthimos picked in his second Criterion Closet appearance.
Inland Empire
Carnal Knowledge
Mikey and Nicky
Black God, White Devil
Persona
Three Films by Luis Buñuel
Yorgos Lanthimos made one original pick this time: Inland Empire. This is why my Master List of Closet Picks in the Criterion Closet is so valuable.
106 minute running time … filmed around Lake Annecy which is absolutely gorgeous… the movie is about as French as you can get, you know: temptation, romance, passion, promiscuity, desire, seduction, sex ... handsome older guy (Jerome) has a beautiful novelist friend (Aurora) who is lodging at a house where two teenage girls are spending the summer, one of whom (Claire) is stunning, the other girl is just sort of goofy. Everybody is rich and good looking. Jerome is there for three weeks to sell the old family home.
In the end Jerome concocts this whole idea in his mind that by touching Claire’s knee he has made himself a moral man and is ready for marriage. It’s sort of funny, I can’t explain it well … you’d have to see it to understand it. I enjoyed the movie, it gets a yellow rating.
Sean Baker is the only guest to the Criterion Closet who picked this movie specifically (though many have picked the Rohmer box set).
Allow me to massage your finger
